Dog Sport Humor
Obedience | Conformation | Other Sports | Working Dogs
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Obedience Humor |
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| Obedience
Quiz
Alternate
Dog Titles
Obedience Dachshund The Obedience Ring and Satan The
Trained Professor
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Interesting
Ways Dogs Non-Qualify At Trials
Got a funny NQ story? Contributions are welcome! Obedience Blunders A Dog's Eye View of Obedience Class Obedience Excuses from the Dog Excuses from the Trainer |
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Conformation Humor |
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| Lament
Of A Lady Who's Gone To The Dogs
Dog Show Terminology A Dog Breeder's Husband Standard for Breeder/Owner/Handler Heavenly Dog Show What I Have Learned Showing Dogs Revised
AKC Rules
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Groomer
Giggles
(scroll down a bit and see sidebar on left for humor index) The intimate confessions of an ex-dog groom(er) Unwritten Rules of Dog Showing Rules for Dog Shows Dog Excuses For Losing The Dog Show Winner's Bitch seeks Best of Opposite Sex A New Disease Death at the Dog Show Dog Fancier's Guide to Shakespeare You
Know You've Gone to the Dogs When...
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Other Dog Sports |
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| Schutzhund
Humor
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The Trials of Agility Barbie |
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Working Dogs |
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| Livestock Guardian Dog Stories | International Association of Assistance Dog Partners |
Copyright©1998-2008
Leilah's Laughs
Last
updated 1/20/08
The (F)Utility Prayer
Sent to this Webmaster by Jody
~~~~
Pia, Jesu, signalus do-us
Dona, eis, requiem
BONK
Pia, Jesu, Articlus Snifus
Dona, eis, requiem
BONK
Pia, Jesu, Glovus two-us
Dona, eis, requiem
BONK
Pia, Jesu, Standus, stillus
Dona, eis, requiem
BONK
Pia, Jesu, Go-us out-us
Dona, eis, requiem
BONK
Pia, Jesu, Jump-us rightus-twiceus
Dona, eis, requiem
BONK
Which roughly translated means:
Please God, let my dog do his signals, articles, gloves, moving stand and go-outs WITH the right jumps - one exercise after the other, ALL on the same day, in the same ring, at the same time, with the same judge so I gettest the coveted "leg". Or you can sing my requiem mass as I die
BONK =3D my head hitting the floor as I collapse in frustration.
This is the sacred prayer of the utility proselyte. Sayest it with passion and ferver and your dog MIGHT do one or two of these exercises without making a complete fool of you. Make burnt offerings of large amounts of $$$$$$$$$ to the dog show gods and thy dog mayest actually do four of these, only to dash thy budding faith upon sharp, craggy rocks as he takes the wrong jump on the last go out.
Abstain from all manner of pleasure, ditch thy social life, lettest thy house become as a pig stye, workest thy dog 12 hours a day in every parking lot in Kentucky, doing all manner of strange, and mystical "proofing" exercises, and if the planets properly align, and you happen to be under the right star sign, thy dog just might do all these exercises. But that is only a maybe.
If you want high scores too, then I"ll have to bring out the special incantation that will turn the judge into a blind, drooling, driveling idiot. That costs extra BTW.
And if you think THIS is bad, wait until
you start looking for UDX legs!!!!!!!!!