|Posted on the Acme Dog House Board by 4Paws
"Walkn' in A Doggie Wonderland"
Dogs tags ring, are you listening'?
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
Straight from me to the fencepost,
A Christmas Poem
by Maximillion Chewbacha Meagher......1996
Oh you better watch out,
He knows when you are staying,
Oh you better be quiet,
He know if you're butt sniffin",
He's makin a list,
Oh you bettern not chase,
HO HO HO
Posted by LA Jo on December 23, 1998 at 12:28:53:
Holiday Etiquette for Dogs
1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
4. They may bring a large tree into
the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and
decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual
for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
5. Your humans may occasionally invite
lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be
lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
6. Likewise, your humans may take you
visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
Another "author unknown" topples! This was written by Christi Green of Aldabra Belgians, who has generously given me permission to use it.
Posted by LA Jo on December 23, 1998 at 12:32:19:
Gift Wrapping With A Puppy
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older chow's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older chow's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
11. Take scissors from older chow & sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box & put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older chow.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting the way as she "helps".
17. Let puppy tear paper remaining to be cut.
18 Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from her mouth.
21. Tell older chow to hold tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older chow is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older chow & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older chow. 27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog chow took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older chow to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from older chow, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older chow made playing tug-of-war with roll of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell chows what good helpers they are.
And, #36 by Den's Mom:
Posted by PupMom on January 06, 1999 at 11:36:10:
(Sung to the tune of Willie Nelson's "Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain")
In the winter light I see it
You can hold the applause. ;-)
A Christmas "Tail"
Shags yawned as he stretched and rolled over. The fire was crackling and his family was asleep upstairs. He liked watching the lights on the tree twinkle and reflect on all the shiny objects that hung from it. "Yes," he thought to himself, "I am a very lucky Sheepie."
Normally, Shags slept next to Amelia.
Her father would push her chair to the bottom of the stairs, then carry
her to her room and tuck her in. Shags waited patiently until this process
was completed before taking his "position" on the bed. Amelia's father
always gave Shags a quick butt scratch and reminded him to take care of
"our girl" before leaving the room. This was the time of day Shags loved
the most. Amelia would scratch his head and tell him her dreams,
sometimes through tears--dreams of dancing, skating, playing or even just
walking. Shags tried his best to
Tonight was different, though. After Amelia's
mom and dad went to bed, Shags quietly stole downstairs to wait. This was
his fourth Christmas with Amelia and her family, but he only
He was unloaded at a place where there were
lines of cages, some of them held old friends and acquaintances. He was
placed in a cage with another dog of no particular lineage, who was very
old and very tired. "What is this place?" asked Shags. The no particular
dog explained the place to
Just when he was about to give up on waiting,
he heard something. It was in the distance, but it was getting closer.
Then the sounds seemed to be all around and in the middle of the room the
air started to twinkle and swirl. Shags sat up, and quite frankly, almost
let out a nervous bark, but stopped himself just in time. Then, the swirling
stopped, and in the middle of the twinkles stood the bearded man in the
red suit. "Shags, my boy, it's wonderful to see you!" said the man, "How
Then Santa introduced himself and asked why
Shags was waiting for him. Shags said to him, "There was a time when I
felt I was worthless. No one wanted me, no one loved me and because of
that I was about to be removed from the Earth. Now, I have a wonderful
home and family. But, most of
Santa sat down with Shags and said, "For
years, from the first Christmas that Amelia could talk, she asked for one
thing only. Each year, she would ask me for a friend who would love her
even though she could not run and play with them; a friend who would be
loyal to her and with whom
Shags helped Santa place the presents around the tree. He also helped Santa out with the plate of cookies that Amelia left out for Santa. Then, Santa winked at Shags and was gone in a swirl of sparkles. Shags sat down for a moment to think about everything Santa had said to him. Then he quietly went up the stairs and took his place next to Amelia. He fell asleep as she scratched his head.
Hugs & Paws
Pat, "Cody" UD,
UCD "Star" CDX, UCD "Mist" CDX, all BCS, "Rad" CDX
(Editors note - I don't know
if Pat actually wrote this, and I don't know how to reach him or her.
I hope there is no objection to me posting this. If there is, please email
me at LM@wonderpuppy.net and it will be removed or corrected immediately)
This Christmas season, give the latest, hottest
new Barbie -- K-9 Rescue Barbie. She comes with her own Ford Aerostar
van, and various size dog crates inside. She has a cell phone that's just
barely working due to over use and underpayment. Barbie, herself is decked
out in jeans, grungy athletic shoes, and a t-shirt that says "Dogs are
Better Than Any Other Living Thing on Earth". She also comes with a road
atlas of every town and state in all of North America, and a compass on
Optional is the special Rescue Dog Barbie laptop computer with the names and addresses of every other dog rescue person on earth, in case she gets somewhere and a contact fails to show up. Running buddy, "Lucky", the three-legged, blind Shih Tzu doll is available for an additional $ 49.95. For $89.95, you can complete the set with "Pissed off husband at home, Ken", and the various foster dogs at $ 20 each.
Prices for accessories are:
Fake snow falling on Barbie's van: $12.95
Flat tire for Barbie's van: (see Barbie's Road Service")
Barbie's First Aid Kit: (human): $11.75, (canine): $69.50
Barbie's Speeding Ticket: $95 (Mississippi--$195)
Barbie's coat-that-she-had-to-buy-in-Minnesota: $85
Barbie's Vet Bill for Lucky in Vaughn, New Mexico: $63.45
Barbie's contact, Rhonda, who she had to give gas money to in Mesa Verde, Texas: $20.
Barbie's bill to get her contact, Luis, out of jail in Bakersfield, California: $500.
Barbie's bill to get Luis's dogs out of the pound in Bakersfield, California: $265.
Barbie's hotel/kennel bill in Laughlin, Nevada, while she waits for her contact:$532.
Barbie's overalls that she has to buy while in Minden, Nebraska, hunting down lost coonhounds: $49.95
Pizza for Barbie's suspicious looking hitch-hiker with sick puppy: $15
Vet bill for hitch-hikers sick puppy in Des Moines, Iowa: $143.29
Barbie's doggie wheelchair for "Klause" the rescue dachshund in Leavenworth, Kansas: $143.
And Barbie's van detailing/fumigation from hauling parvo/kennel cough puppies: $187.
Barbie's new resume to get new job when she gets home from run: $29.95