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Collected Dog Humor - Poems

Most of this was collected off the AcmePet Dog House Board. Original authors are mostly unknown, if you know who wrote something, please tell me! Credit is given when known. 

Birthday Wish From A Dog

Posted by Shugga on October 04, 1998 at 12:33:43:

 You feed me when I'm hungry, 
You keep water in my dish,
You let me sleep on anything,
Or anyplace I wish.

 You sometimes let me lick your hands, 
Or even lick your face,
Despite the fact I've licked myself,
In every private place.

 You taught me how to come when called,
You taught me how to sit,
You always let me go outside, 
So I can take a stroll.

 I've been with you through oh, so much,
Through laughter and through tears,
I hope you live to be a hundred...
(that's 700 in doggy years.) 

Poem for New Puppy Owners

 Posted by Bravehart on October 10, 1998 at 11:25:22:

 Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants, 
Don't steal food or underpants. 
Don't eat my socks; don't grab my hair,,, 

Don't eat those peas, don't touch that bush, 
Don't chew my shoes, what IS this mush!?! 
Eat your cookies, drink your drink, 
Outta the toilet! Outta the sink! 

(and must you kiss me after that!?!) 
Raising a puppy is not for the lazy, 
Those rugrats are funny, but also quite crazy. 

Don't despair through the toil and the strife. 
"Cause after three years you'll get back your life! 
So lets go for walkies, so you can do your "thing" 
And maybe I'll get back my diamond ring! 

-Author unknown

The Dog's Cold Nose
by Arthur Guiterman

 Posted by Puppy Luv on August 09, 1998 at 02:59:45:

 When Noah, perceiving 'twas time to embark,
Persuaded the creatures to enter the Ark,
The dog, with a friendliness truly sublime, 
Assisted in herding them, two at a time.

 He drove in the elephants, zebras and gnus
Until they were packed like a boxful of screws.
The c*t in the cupboard, the mouse on the shelf,
The bug in the crack; then he backed in himself.

 But such was the lack of available space,
He couldn't tuck all of him into the place;
So after the waters had flooded the plain
And down from the heavens fell blankets of rain.

 He stood with his muzzle thrust out through the door
The whole forty days of that terrible pour!
Because of which drenching, zoologists hold,
The nose of a healthy dog always is cold!

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